This weekend I went way out on what felt like a very bendy limb and made my first video.
It felt really good to do a scary thing, mostly because I was under no obligation to actually do anything with it.
But then the next day, Saturday, I had this amazing day with friends and family celebrating our girl turning six. It was sunny and warm and the kids were all dancing to "Let It Go" (duh) and the adults were standing in circles talking about sex and then other kids started wearing assorted sports helmets and playing baseball and well, it was just fucking PERFECT.
So I decided I needed to post the video. Because feeling good and like everything is perfect makes me want to put things into the world, makes me want to share and spill it all.
Then almost immediately, I panicked and took it off Facebook and began to worry about who had seen it. I wrote a post that said something like, "I just posted a video and was too chickenshit to leave it up," which was met with, "I didn't see it! Re-post!" I realized that by deleting it, I was completely giving in to the fear I talk about in the video. And I felt silly and human. And so I re-posted it.
It cuts off at the end and the light isn't very good and blah blah blah. But it's pretty darn real and pretty darn me. I'm so excited to start talking to you like this, more directly, more often.
Also? It never stops feeling like a miracle to me that you're here. That you come here to read and relate, and that you're so often willing to show me the most luminous, shining glimpses of your human-ness, too. Thank you thank you thank you from way down deep inside.
Lovin' on ya,