A Very Mama Post.

I read this article the other day.  I loved it, loved the tone, the message, the author's desire to hold herself accountable. Accountability - to myself, to my kids - is important to me.  I can not display behavior I wouldn't allow, and so I'm willing and eager to apologize to them when I need to, to tell them how I'll try again, how I'm still learning, too.

I like to think that this dynamic is creating mutually respectful relationships.

I really, really hope I'm right.

:::

Osi was away for two and a half days this week, and this afternoon we were together again.  I smothered him with kisses and smiles, loved him up good.

By evening, they were melting, Henry was barking for minutes at strangers, and the kitchen was a mess.  As I tucked Isla into bed, Osiah turned the corner from tired into over-, and the destruction began; within 15 seconds, he was throwing, breaking, and tipping anything in his path.  I was growling and angry and picking him up quickly with a swift, "What is going on with you!"

Yes, yes, I know.

I brought myself back very quickly and apologized.  Not for my feelings, but for how I expressed them.

And while the guilt hasn't turned on, my desire to try again tomorrow is front and center.

I need my kids to be able to express their frustration, their fear and anger and unhappiness.  For them to feel safe while doing so, to know that I will be waiting calmly on the other side of their storm.

Which can't happen if I'm thundering, too.  It just can't.

Tomorrow is new.

*E